Well dear ones it has been awhile since I wrote. In May I went to Salt Lake and spent some time with my mother, while my sisters went to Washington D.C. My sister Darla was giving a speech on preserving records at a convention. When they got home I spent another week and half with them. I then went to my son Cory's place as my dear angel Olivia had invited me to her baptism.
While in Salt Lake I found it hard to stay on my program. It seems to me that most members of my family like to make connections and bond with one another through the medium of food. Food brings good memories and comfort. It brings memories of happy times. I was invited out to eat alot and visit with people. I know that stress will help you gain weight so I decided to just enjoy my time and the wonderful company that was around me. When I got home I would start over again. I gained eight pounds the three weeks I was in Utah. As of today I have lost five of those pounds. It has been hard to get back into my routine.
About a year ago I started having periods again. While in Utah I had some real blood loss and clots on two different occasions. It was embarrassing because I had to tell people what was going on with me and I didn't want anyone to know. I came home and went to see a OBY-GN. She called me yesterday and informed me that I had uterine cancer. I was in tears most of the day. I called my children and my sisters. They have been a great support and have given me lots of encouragement. My head tells me to be positive and I know that is true. My heart is sad and fearful of the unknown. I would appreciate everyone and their prayers. I know that Heavenly Father is the great physician. He can accomplish anything. I need to have more faith and trust in him. I have been reading "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die" the feelings and emotions connected with this condition is repressed anger. I have had alot of anger in my life and I have a master's degree in repression of feelings. I feel like I have come along way in the last few years, just not far enough I guess. Some of my angry feelings go way back and they are buried so deep that I don't remember them anymore. I am not sure how to handle them or resolve them. I believe that forgiveness is the key. I am having a struggle knowing how to forgive in your heart. It is one thing to say I forgive and mean it in your head and another to feel it in your heart. It is the heart part that I struggle with. In my past when I have been angry, sad or felt used instead of expressing my feeling (because I didn't know how) and resolving those feelings I buried the deep in hopes that they would go away and everything would be alright. You can do that mentally but the body records everything and if it isn't resolved it causes dis-ease. I have lived sixty four years and have just learned this in the last few years. I hope that it doesn't take as long to resolve things as it has taken for me to learn things.
I have a appointment with a Dr. Gibb to discuss a hysterectomy. I know that plenty of women have had this proceedure and everything has gone okay. I have never had surgery of any kind before and it is scary for me. I don't have much trust in doctors and drugs. I wish that I could talk to my Heavenly Father face to face and get his advice.
I am going to start back on my isagenix program, get control of diabetes and blood pressure, be more prayerful and stay close to my Heavenly Father. I am his child and he loves me and is the only one that truly knows my heart.
I will keep you informed and I appreciate your prayers in my behalf. There is strength in numbers.
